Oh the Old Gin in the Tropicana Bottle Trick...

That's a good one right? I know you used to do it in college too. Maybe it was rum in your bottle of diet coke. Or were you a vodka in your gatorade type? Well anyway, the concept is the same no matter what your choice of liquor. You are trying to get drunk without others really "knowing." Of course you cannot conceal your glossy eyes and slurred speach as well as you can conceal your clear liquor, but the goal is to be sneaky about it. Maybe you were trying to save money at a ballgame, continuing the pre-game party on the bus ride to the real party, or preventing getting a ticket at a free concert in the park. Or maybe you were in the sixth grade trying to relax from the stresses of the DC-CAS during movie day. What? You can't relate to that last one? I don't know about you, but I totally used alcohol as a coping mechanism when I was 12. And so did all of my friends. That's why I wasn't suprised at all to be interrupted in the teacher's lounge during lunch today at my school by the crazy, drunken screaming and stumbling of a drunk sixth grade girl. I felt like I was reliving my childhood when I saw the police show up to try to control her drunken episode. On top of that, I remember that time when a girl in my 6th grade class was hauled away by am ambulence in the middle of the school day for alcohol poisoning that occured while she was at school! Really though, WHAT PLANET DO I LIVE ON? WHO DOES THIS? ESPECIALLY WHEN THIS GIRL'S MOTHER WORKS AT OUR SCHOOL!? I'm sorry about the capital letters, its just a question that begged screaming. I meant what I said in my about me section. Most of what I experience in a day is just beyond words.

How is this helping anyone!

There is nothing worse than walking past one of your struggling students who just isn't getting anything right on his or her test. It is even worse when you KNOW that this student is trying really hard, but somehow still missing the boat. To add another layer, the test they are taking is THE test of the school year and basically the only test that matters to this kid's parents and to the administrators. Even as this student tugs on my heart strings, I am still not going to cheat for the kid! I swear, I am the only teacher not cheating on the DC CAS. The whole thing is outrageous. Now, as I read Freakonomics three years ago, I thought this whole teachers cheating for their students on standardized tests was an interesting economic problem, but I have one message for Steven Levitt: most teachers cheat and they do not have to go as far as changing the bubbled in answers; it's far easier than that. Let's try calling out answers and clues in front of the whole class. But really, how is this helping the students or the schools. My students absolutely NEED to be able to score well on multiple choice/essay tests and if they can't Michelle Rhee and my school's principal and the student's parents and the student need to know. If I lower my standards now in the fourth grade, how will that help a student get into a competitive high school or how will that help a student learn to score well on a test like the SAT? I know I'm not the best teacher yet, but I figure the two things I can give my students is a realistic view of their achievements and love--as cheesy as that sounds. That is my rant of the day.

My dog's first injury

One of my favorite mottos since I've started teaching has been, "I hate everything." It sounds like an ultra negative motto, but really it helps me stop myself from putting my hands on a crazy student kicking walls and pretending to stab himself, or quitting. For some reason, saying it out loud allows me to express frustration, anger, etc. and then its gone. One thing though, that I never hate is my dog, Aurora. She is the sweetest little miniature dachshund and she has one of the best doggie-personalities I have ever encountered. This is why her first injury is more traumatizing for me than it has been for her. This morning I discovered that she has torn one of her footpads. I have no idea how it happened, but it looks horrific. I think the human equivalence to a footpad injury would be if you tore off a piece of finger skin down to the muscle. It is gross and sad at the same time. Of course I panicked and rushed to my computer to research these kinds of pet injuries. Thank you petmeds! I found out I am not supposed to let her lick the injury, but I also just can't bear to force her to wear one of those lampshades on her head. Instead, my pet-mommy skills took over and I constructed a leg cast out of an old pair of nylons that will let the injury breathe while at the same time preventing her from licking the injury. I am also staying home from work to nurse her back to health. Dramatic? Yes, but after all, she is the only thing that I don't hate. Well her and my boyfriend.

Johnathan Swift

Do I know much about this man? Nope! Nonetheless, his famous quote speaks to me. "It was a brave man who first ate an oyster." How about, "he is a brave man that first sets out to teach." And really, unless you are a teacher, this probably means nothing to you, but it takes a certain kind of bravery to face "them" everyday. Now, do I consider myself a brave person? Not so much. I had however always considered myself a patient person. After a while in the classroom, I know that this is a fallacy. I am not patient and most likely you owe any rants you read to that fact.